Monday 30 April 2012

Reflection on Exploratory Project 1:4

Within this Exploratory Module and in particular the making sessions, and the imagery produced during these sessions have displayed diverse and extensive photographs that has allowed plenty of research scope in regards to femininity, the aging element and body image.
Learning and developing my understanding of self expression within photography rather than my prefered medium of painting, has allowed me to explore different ways of experimenting by using my own body as the main focus for my creativity and exploration of aspects of my identity.
These module and the use of the camera has allowed me the opportunity to not only be the subject matter but also the creator of the work. 
However the sessions were long because the application of the paint to my skin at times took up to four hours, then taking the photographs often carried on until late into the evening.
Afterwards I would then sort through the images cropping, then I would make the decision to either keep the image either as a coloured picture or as a monochromatic image. Then I would use photoshop as a tool to deepen the contrast of the piece.
However due to the time element which I used mainly for the process of creativity and therefore I neglected the theory issues that would underpin my work until quite late into the module.
Furthermore I did not allow enough time to concentrate on my writing which I recognise as my weakest area within the MA.
I have learnt that within my making process I have been able to project through my work very private and intensely personal aspects of life exposing my body as the tool of communication in a creative and visual manner.  
To creative this series of work I used my home as the focus of place, mainly I used my bedroom, shower room and upstairs landing. This is a place of safety which allowed me the confidence to continually explore the context of my images through each individual session.
I used a full length mirror to help me with the composition of the images especially when I was working on my own. This tool was invaluable during this module as a visual aid and became an intrinsic part of the work because it reflects the different perspectives of my identity.
This whole module has been about taking risks because it has involved showing my imperfect aging body, and the very private essence of my thoughts even soul and body and allowing this to be become public property, open to negative reactions.
Sadly this became a reality when somebody from work made a judgement regarding my work without even viewing this module. This has become a valuable lesson learnt and I have gained more of an understanding on how art is separated from the public due to a lack of understanding.
Because of this on a personal level I have to admit that I have lost self- confidence not only in my work but in myself as an individual, and for someone who has suffered with depression in this last year and is on medication this reaction has not helped.
On a positive note this could be another area of research that could be investigated through the creative process.
Furthermore the risks I have taken during this module has pushed me to take interesting and relevant risks, especially regarding the use of my body as the canvas.
In using my own body and within the risks that I have taken within the module I was able rein in at times and not create work that would not offensive, I did not want to cross the line into pornography which really could easily be crossed.
Because as an artist how far should I go?
What I recognise is that as an artist I have a duty of care to create work that is relevant and important and how I explore these elements are as important, creating imagery just to offend is not an area in which I would venture.
The main issue I encountered has been towards the end of the module because I concentrated more on the creation of the work and I did struggle with the time that needed to me spent on the theoretical placement of my work, academically this is my weakest area, however I have found time and I have put alot of effort into this module, furthermore I have had a huge amount of support not only from the tutors but the group of students with whom I had three meetings with on google during this module.
These meetings with Amelia, Claire and Alexa, took place on the 1st March, on the 19th April and on the 26th April these meetings allowed me the chance to not only let off steam but time to discuss in depth each individual's work created throughout this module. During these meetings the invaluable advice given and support has been invaluable to me and this was an intrinsic part of how I coped with the problems throughout this module.
Furthermore the individuals different characters have created a group who have become more cohesive and have gained an understanding of each others personality and our strengths and weaknesses.
This development has helped me to gain confidence in how I verbally discuss my work, furthermore I am gaining confidence to impart advice and some of my knowledge of art issues to these particular students, as well as accepting advice and help that has been offered via the students. Within these meetings we discussed the artists Cindy Sherman (b.1954) and Mona Hatoum (b.1952) I have been really drawn into their work because they explore the issues of feminine identity which reflect how confined we as women are at times confined within the constricts of society.
I do believe my work draws on the concept of identity through the images I have created reflected through my own personal reflection.
The images I have created does explore the multi-faceted elements of everyday life and as well showing personal beliefs, these are taken through my own personal perception and also extends into extension of my identity that is reflected into the social context of feminine identity.
   
My personal challenge during this module was to be brave and explore beyond the obvious, and attempt to create unusual and obscure imagery. I wanted to be experimental, to use Photoshop and explore what this particular software could do, but not to overdo the processes of photoshop.
I do have issues and concerns regarding my body however I did want to be brave and deal with the issues of nudity on a personal level, however in exploring this element was not to cross the line into pornography.
Within the work that I wanted to create I believed the sense of being uncomfortable and should be reflected within the imagery, however I wanted the imagery to be strong, sharp and I wanted the writing and any images that I created did not overwhelm the skin. 
Furthermore I wanted to produce a strong body of work rather than a final piece, also I was going to make the effort to keep records of each stage and processes that I attempt and I believe this has been reflected on my blogsite.
These personal challenges that I had set myself gave me the incentives to succeed with these particular elements, however I wished I had made more emphasis on the writing side of this course.
What I have learnt regarding the work I have produced during this module that creating work that explores self-portrait for me has been an invaluable tool for self expression, as well as exploring my identity through this work.
I need to divide time between creating and researching, furthermore I recognise that I do need to focus and concentrate on my writing which could be considered to be my weakest area, however this could be down to lack of confidence which has started to grow as the course has continued to develop.   

Wednesday 25 April 2012

Self Portrait


Throughout this module I have created a series of work based on the intimate images of who I am, and writing on myself about the constant battle to achieve everyday ordinary jobs, as well as discussing my faith through text etched onto the skin.
Self portraiture is an area in which many artists explore and within the work I have produced I recognise that the work I have produced is an attempt of self portraiture, an intimate disclosure of certain areas that shape and direct who I am.
The work that is shown is this section that I have called 'Self Portrait' are photographs that are based on the head and shoulder aspects, some of these images have had a mixed reaction, some of the students and tutors appreciate the images or absolutely loathed the pieces as being too obvious, so this sections has been difficult to put together and yet has a place within this module that needs to be discussed, because ultimately in reflection this work does discuss not only feminine issues but also the gaze.
What I mean by the gaze in this section is the gaze in reference of the artist looking out to the viewer as well as the viewers  gaze to the images within this module. It's a two-way viewpoint and the direct imagery of my face is an interesting area to be exploring.




This image suggests that there is a disconnection between the prayer and the individual looking out at not only the pray but also out of the image itself. This is how I feel about my faith I do feel disconnected and yet I desperately would like to gain that connection with my faith.
Furthermore I also feel a disconnection with society, I watch and see individuals living their lives, and yet I have rarely connected with people which at times leaves me with a sense of intense loneliness as well as a sense of freedom.


    

This image is something that attracts me because once again it is taken at an angle by myself and the direct gaze reflected from the mirror out to the viewer, isn't confrontational rather it is a piece that shows the Breastplate Pray and displays a sense of this is who I am and this is where I get strength from.
Another opinion of this particular image as been the representation of death, due to the subdued colours of my skin, and the unblinking eyes, the netting seems to look like a shroud.  



With my hair scrapped off my face I look bald and primative a person that does live to fulfill the 'To Do Lists' and yet there is more a person who never fits in quite in most areas of life, the lists are clothing that covers the reality of someone who will always fight normality that society and life forces on that individual.
The comments this image has created have been fascinating, there has been suggestions of extreme aggression, a skinhead intent on aggression, however the eyes are closed and maybe a removal of any threat. 




This image is of interest because of the neat writing which could have been etched into the skin as well as reflective of a tattoo, a permanent scarring of what life is about and what is important and may be stated as a chore revealed in the words and yet some of these jobs listed are a neccesity part of who I am and what shapes me as an individual. 
What I mean by this statement is that making sure I keep in contact with my parents is of huge importance and is part of what has made me the person I am.




This image has been taken from a session in which my daughter volunteered to being the subject making, something which has only been done throughout this module due to the issues of not crossing a boundary that could exploit Emma.

This image shows how the jobs that I feel that I have to achieve as an adult as an impact on my child, the way the image has been cropped suggests that Emma may be part of the cause of the jobs but she is not the whole reason why I feel that these jobs have to be achieved and yet they are part of the relationship that interweaves between us as parent and child.


  
 
      
This image shows a tired, ageing female individual who wear the Breastplate Prayer as a protective element within their lives, but the facial expression questions that sense of safety.
Keeping the image in colour highlights the connected colour between my hair and the paint used on my skin. The colour of my eyes are reflected in the background colour.
The reason I have chosen this image is because what is shown is a protective stance of a tired, anxious middle-aged woman, which is pertinent to many women passing the a certain age.  
       



This piece is strong and blatent in definition, the eyes opened wide and the text visually bright against the skin, it is a vivid and compositionally is striking and vibrant.
This image only through luck was achieved due, possibly due to the capture of colour within the background that creates the interest, how the light catches certain areas of the skin and hair. The staring eyes which are unflinching as well as the definition of the neck, creates a sense of tension.

  
               

Tuesday 24 April 2012

Mirror Images

These images are a selection of the work that I created once again using a mirror, which for me was one of the most important pieces of equipment that I have used throughout this module. This particular piece of equipment has been used by artists such as Jenny Saville (b.1970).

In the 1990's Saville's work extended this idea of self image and her concerns regarding the fantasy ideal of the perfect female body, her work was a series of paintings that were larger than life pieces, in which she used her own body distorted and enlarged form, in which the body had contour lines and words and at times showed marks made by plastic surgeons when preparing for surgery.
Yet one the most important pieces for me is a piece called 'Branded' 1992

    

What touches me about this piece especially when reflecting on my own body, which does show the signs of damage, through bearing a child and I suffer from IBS so my stomach is usually extended. So this piece really does speak to me.
So the next series of work shows images showing not only the writing on my skin but also my flesh.



    
During this session of work I used an acrylic paint that is brown and yet has a strong reddish hue. I started by painting on my hands and by using the mirror I positioned my hands into poses that not only reflected the words but also my hands, in doing this I was playing on the idea of henna painting, this photograph may seem a particularly uninteresting imagery, yet this session allowed me to lead into more indepth work.

This image comes from a session in which I wrote on my body 'To Do Lists' in a decorative style which I really found the final outcome of this decorative application visually overwhelming and strong. This particular piece has an unusual feeling that is quite sinister and has strong components due to the stark monochromatic element as well as the structure of the image.


  
This image is one of the pieces that I was unsure about because I could quite easily have crossed a line where I could have produced pieces that detracted from my work, which is about the integrity and exploration regarding my own life and feelings and tis could have slipped into something that could be considered cheap and degrading. It was important for me to explore the idea of extending the self portrait  and exploring my body and life in an invented and yet honourable (to myself) and honest way.




Within this module I have attempted to use both colour images as well as images that have all colour removed and within both of these elements the work has been strong, and I have gained more of an understanding of which pieces would work in colour and which pieces should be monochrome. This particular piece worked far better in monchrome, and when I took this picture at this particular angle it has created an image that extends the line of the words vividly.



This particular piece is part of a session in which I used the emotions which had been created by being humiliated at work by somebody's crass comments about the work I have created during this module.
In this image I used the mirror and the physical application  of paint and the remove of the paint of the mirror as an opportunity to be nude.
In being nude I was expressing how shamed and judged I felt by these comments made by people who had not bothered to see my work. The act of scrubbing away the paint off the mirror was expressing the physical act of emotion and an attempted to break through this unfair judgements to me personally, as well as attempting to remove a sense of stigma that is attached to the constant exploration of the feminine role in day to day society.




This piece through the image of the mirror explores the issues of cleansing, or removing elements of shame or maybe removing the mistakes of the past. How the angle of the piece was taken and the cropping of the image reflects a sense of fragility almost especially the reflected image from the mirror.
My daughter helped me during this session by taking the photographs, and during this session I had moved out of where I usually have been working and into my hallway because I wanted to bring in other elements, and in this situation I was able to use the space more expansively and this extended the session beyond some of the other works that I have created during this module.
However I do believe that I attempted to introduce feminity rather than brutal straight forward images. So in that respect I don't think this session worked. 




This particular piece is reflecting my sense of being weak I suppose, smoking is one of the things that I have done in my life and it is something that will end up shortening my life, and this act has been in my life since I was fifteen years old, and this contrasts with the Lord's prayer etched onto my skin, which in one place asks to keep me safe and yet what I do on a daily basis is the opposite of that request.
The angle in which this piece has taken creates an interesting image especially how the smoke curls upwards in the mirror and is not so distinctive outside of that area.



This confrontational image holds no pretence and no barriers, this piece shows my skin looking sore especially on my face and my direct gaze into my reflection suggests that scribbled lists on the skin give strength rather than deplete, because I am female this is what I do, it isn't beautiful and yet it is factual and undeniable.

My work differs from the work of Cindy Sherman (b.1954) and to explore and understand how it differs I have been encouraged to look at her work especially her early images by fellow students of the MA because her work explores the imagery of women as well as confronting the voyeurism of the viewer.



Untitled Film Still No.15 1978 Black and white photograph 50.8 x 40.6 cm 20 x 16 - accessed 26.04.12


When looking at Sherman's early work it is structured on the idea of exhibitionsim which is exposes the female body, so that when looked at her work is based on the sexualisation of women, this element is reflected but only as an undercurrent, the images are stylish and have a respectability, however there is the implication of sexualisation through the narratives running through the images. When I look at her early work it reflects how feminine identity is abused through areas of the media.
Sherman has created a visual lie with her work because she exposes the viewer's voyeurism, as well as exposing to the viewer the hidden female emotions. Sherman has exploited how we can be vulnerable and how we can use our emotions especially within sexual relationships.
My Mother has always states that men use the idea of love to gain sex, women use sex to gain the idea of love.
With this notion I can see how both men and women have had this idea encouraged through the media, and this has been exploited by pin-ups as well as being encouraged through the media and the consumer culture that emphases that women have to be feminine and glamourous.

As I have researched Cindy Sherman I found an article by Simon Hattenstone for 'The Guardian' which was published on Saturday 15 January 2011. This piece was called 'Cindy Sherman: Me, myself and I'
Simon Hattenstone states that  "In the new work, (Sherman) is more exposed than she has ever been before. There are no prosthetics, no make-up, not much in the way of disguise. And yet, with her subtle digital manipulations, it is still hard to find the real Sherman in these pictures. And she wouldn't have it any other way".
Sherman responds "That it has not since her student days that the work has been about Cindy Sherman. Then, she photographed herself nude. "For the project I had to confront something difficult. Something I'd never want to do. And ever since, she says she's managed to star in her pictures without giving anything away. She pauses and smiles. "I'm not about revealing myself," she says.  

In contrast I reveal layers of myself through the writing etched onto my skin, I have not revealed myself completely on a physical level, more on a emotional level, and yet the work is not contrite or sentimental.  







      
       
          
   


       
      

Reflective Writing

The next section of images are based on photographs taken using a mirror, some of these images are very interesting because where I have written onto the mirror, this writing has at times reflected onto my skin.
This section of work was influenced by the work of a Christian artist called Charlie Mackesy, because when looking at his work especially his charcoal drawings have a sense of brutality and honesty which is an area that I have found interesting as this is partly what I want explore and reflect on within my work. 


    

This first image was taken during a session in which I was in control of the camera and at times this could be difficult when attempting to produce new ideas and different viewpoints.
I had written in acrylic paint onto the face of the mirror a psalm which is pertinent to me and I was attempting to take images in which I had no control because I was unable to witness these particular areas, these images are mainly of my back.
What is interesting is how the writing has reflected onto my skin, it's quite intriguing to witness a section of writing casting a shadow onto my skin within a private and enclosed area, which is how I communicate to God as I rarely go to Church. 





Continuing this train of thought and looking at this particular image and how the words seem to bleed into my skin and blurring made me think on how I pray, and recognising that pray is more about being medative, being still and quiet, in this particular area I am not particular good at being still and reflective, the only time that I can achieve anything that resembles anything that is close to being reflective and able to contemplate is through the work I create.


    

   
This particular image contrasting between light and dark due to the monchromatic tones, and what is interesting is how the white acrylic paint reflected darkly onto the skin creating an usual contrast.

This image fits loosely into this section and the reason why I have included this particular piece is because, when looking closely at this image you can see where the mirror has been steamed up and were I have attempted to remove this by using my hands so the smearing element has allowed patches that when looking at the reflection there is a sense of writing that etches across my face.


      



Friday 20 April 2012

Scrubbing away the evidence

To begin with this series of images which I have called 'Scrubbing away the evidence' these images was inspired by a suggestion by a fellow student because when in discussion regarding my work, and I was saying how hard it was to remove the make up on my skin, and the student suggested that I should show how hard it actually was to remove this make up using photography.

 


This is an interesting image to me because it's grubby and shows how hard the make up is to remove, and I believe this reflects how hard life can be trying to keep up with everything and having to admit failure, because the continual attempt to achieve everything cannot be done.
Furthermore how I have cropped close into the image reflects an uncomfortable situation in using the monochromatic the image has a starkness that is relevant to the work involved in this module.    

 


This is an interesting pose I am not looking my best! This image shows tiredness and a weariness that I feel that many woman feel and only revealed when no-one is looking, and this is could be when one is truly and honestly revealed after all we do when we have worked all day, come home and cooked tea and attempted some housework the jobs continue.

 

This image is very relevant to me because it shows me in a vulnerable pose, on my skin is written a list that I cannot easily remove and I cannot reach only the stream of water can remove these words. Furthermore the positioning of my body does also reflect a vulnerability.

 
This image shows friction, my hand is clenched and scrubbing away at lists that will not be achieved, the aging and unattractive positioning of my body reflects how as a single woman when you are trying to keep on top of everything, not only as a parent attempting to be both father and mother, and working full time, YOU as a person lose your identity and your youth before you have chance to appreciate what you were, the scars of age and neglect are reflected for the viewer to see.

 
   
 Within this series of images I wanted to show femininity as well as a sense of movement, and when using the bowl of water to show a sense of cleansing I was inspired by Mary Magdalene who washed Jesus's feet with her hair, this session really looks at the idea of washing away the marks of sin? Baptism?
My daughter helped by taking these series of photographs and what comes through is the positioning of my body and how the focus of the photographs is looking downwards and reflects an intimacy, this is enhanced by the simple act of washing.



This picture I believe shows having to see the self image and the attempt to free oneself of responsibility by cleansing away the words Reflecting a sense of freedom and hopefully clarity once the words have washed away and yet there is always the implication that words can be washed away and yet meanings remain within the subconscious.  

 
  
This image is has an interesting perspective because its an usual position, due the remove of the head it creates an image that is abstract and yet the element of cleaning is obvious, the homemaker cleans, within Christianity the element of baptism with water is significant, washing away your sins.
The ritual of washing is a constant cycle that extends into the cycle of everyday life.


This moment captured the element of washing away the stresses of life and the mundane, and what interests me is how the viole when wet clearly shows the writing on my skin. There are so many elements within this piece that I personally can attach to elements within my life and I find this photo fascinating.

Jo Spence (1934-1992)

"She challenged the myth of the body beautiful, while acknowledging its power. Admitting her terror, she confronted the phantasmagoria of disease." (Obituary, Independent, 25 June 1992).



The Body is the Hero 1989


   
Spence not only explored the idea of self medication through photography but in a graphical and yet honest way shows the depth of emotions that comes when told you have cancer especially when terminal. My work does not show any level of the type of trauma that Jo Spence's reflected within her photography.
However I do explore private issues that are pertinent to my life and to reflect an honesty and a sense of value to be reflected within the images. 
   

Saturday 14 April 2012

Skin and Fabric


This collection of images that I have called 'Skin and Fabric' is a overview of the work I have created throughout this module, each image has been chosen because of an element within them that stands out and of the importance of the piece not just on a personal level, but also what is revealed within the piece.



This is one of the first images that I took at the start of this module, what I find really interesting about this image is the hand pushing into the skin.
The pressure of the hand creates fractured elements of the words. The skin tones reflect the feeling of living and the words shown seem meaningless but to me are a constant non ending stream of issues that are jobs that I when even I do achieve these jobs its like a constant cycle that will never be completely resolved.
Furthermore this is the first session of work that I have created, my daughter helped me by taking the photographs and by writing on my skin using a pen that was fairly easy to remove.
How I have cropped the image make this piece usual and gives a element of almost brutality as if cutting into the skin and by keeping the photograph natural emphasises the intimacy revealed within the snapshot.       

   
This image is shows the reality or rather the honesty of my ageing imperfect body, that is scarred with the writing of these constant list of jobs.
Furthermore the monotone of the image strengthens the starkness of the reality of the body. The underwear that I am wearing was not something I actually thought about at the time, however what I have recognised is that this image reflects that I am not trying to produce beautiful images or attempting to be something I am not. This is a brutal and reflective image because there is not only the lists on the mirror, the lists are still etched onto my skin where the lists had written on and I had attempted to remove this after a shower. Its a important piece that shows how attempting to keep on top of my life is scarring and nigh on impossible. 

   
This image is interesting to me because in monochrome the contrast of the pattern in the fabric that I have used clearly stands out and the writing is clearly shown, furthermore the perspective and how I have cropped this piece has produced an image that is unusual.
The writing that I have used was attempted to be more scriptual and neater it is clearly defined and yet the words do not make sense to the viewer and are only pertinent to me personally.


Within this piece is the writing is clear and tidy and has the essense of a tattoo. The lighting of this piece and how the fabric is covering the flesh obscures what this part of my body this could be, making it an abstracted and unusual image.


This image defines a rumpled, scrunched and messy individual. It is a piece that reflects who I am or rather how I feel at times in my life. This messiness is also how I feel about my faith and spirituality which I do believe is often reflected by many individuals at times in their lives. There is a sense of scarring and damage which is opened up to the viewer, I was influenced to create this piece by the work of Charlie Mackesy, his charcoal work have a grittiness and a open honesty which I found moving.
Furthermore how the arm cuts through the centre of the image strengthens the piece.    



What I find interesting about this image is the colour that overwhelms the picture, and how the arm cuts across the piece. Once again the writing is illegible to the viewer and yet to me they are important and relevant to my personal faith. The image also reflects how I do keep my spirituality covered from the view of the public, not wanting to create any conflict or wanting any ridicule.



The lettering that shows through the voile, can be seen because of the elements of light and dark shows the fabric marks clearly. This photograph was taken during a session that has reflected by comments made by an individual who had not seen my work. This piece could be reflecting my shame? More likely embarrassement.
How I have cropped the image reveals an interesting viewpoint, because hidden beneath the voile is the Lord's prayer my hidden faith.

This particular image does reflect how I was feeling, regarding my faith, my ageing body, and due to how I feel at times struggling with life in general. This image really does reflect this with the blurring essence of the photograph. How I have positioned the camera and myself within the mirror has extended length ways creating a person with no identity apart from the breastplate prayer that looks as if has been etched into the skin.
What is interesting about this photograph is what is reflective within this image is the honestly of how I feel at times as an individual of no substance within my everyday life.


  This image shows my skin with a prayer written on it, the fabric is a see-through type and yet the light when the photograph has taken has given the image a frosted element. This piece has a protected element which is important because I do protect and keep my faith safely locked away from many that know me. 




Vanitas II, 1986 by Helen Chadwick (1953-96)


Helen Chadwick was an incredible artist and she used different elements and she has a heavy sexual emphasis that she has made into exquisite abstracted elements within her work, however viseral. Her work is very different from my own and I recognise that I could not be as aggressively blatent about body issues as Chadwick's work reflected.    
 

Friday 6 April 2012

Group crit reflection and putting the images into sections

On Monday I had a group crit and what I have been advised to do is to look at the work I have been producing and reflect on these images and then to put these images into sections and I do agree with this and I have attempted to do this and it has been difficult.
What I have decided to do is to limit myself that in each section I am going to limit myself at the most ten images only.
Within the limited amount of ten images that I will choose I will discuss each one, the reasons why I have chosen the particular image.
I know that the images that I will be choosing will not be to everybodies taste and I am sure that some of my choices will not possibly be the right choices possibly but with the explanations I hope that my reasons will justify these images within these sections.