Emma Bulley and I had a discussion regarding my faith which is very private and complex because I am divorced and struggle with my inadequacies as a human, and I have not found a church that I personally felt comfortable in for years, The only place that I feel unknown and not judged was in the Worcester Cathedral at Midnight Mass at Christmas two years ago.
My relationship with God is difficult and a complex issue for me because in today’s society to be a Christian is very much frowned on and to be an artist as well… and what makes this situation even worse is that I am a seriously crap Christian! I doubt and I argue and I question many areas of the Bible, I get confused and confined, I hate going to Church as I feel that I have ‘SINNER’ tattooed on my forehead.
Furthermore I swear a huge amount, drink far too much and smoke like a bloody chimney especially when stressed and depressed.
However when the shit has hit the fan and when my life has felt that there is no way out and no hope I pray. In those darkest moments I talk to God and beg and plead and get angry even scream and shout but always I pray. In these moments I do not believe he cares and yet help has always come to my aid. When help comes often in obscure ways I give thanks to God.
My problem is that I have never fitted in anywhere, I am difficult and prickly at times and I am very insecure and I hate being disliked. I want to be liked, I wish I was like my sister who is everything I am not, I used to hate her and now I love her and admire her a huge amount.
Life is very obscure and so is my faith I feel, and that is why I am very interested in the work of Charlie Mackesy especially his charcoal work because they feel to me very real possibly due to the physical strokes within the work as well as the interpretation of the parables that he has drawn from. Furthermore I have been impressed with this artist’s humility and down to earth approach not only to his to his work but his faith as well.
Charlie Mackesy’s statement.
If you look at the paintings on this site, a fair proportion seem to have some kind of angel or spiritual thing going on. I'm aware that this may seem a little odd . . . I'm not sure how that all happened really. How it all began, but it has not come from a love of religion. In many ways I find religion a little toxic and disturbing. A moral high ground; a tribal gathering against the world.
I guess for me it all came from a quiet feeling when I was in a London park that there must be more to this than meets the eye. It wasnt a criticism of the park, tawdry as it was, just a sense that I was missing something, somehow. Or as Eugene Ionesco put it, " the human comedy does not attract me enough. I am not entirely of this world. I am from elsewhere; and it is worth finding this elsewhere beyond the walls . . . but where is it? "
So bizarrely my response to this question was to start drawing. Most people go to church or India or something. I just sat down and drew, and havent really stopped. That was twenty years ago . . . so help me someone.
The work began as ink drawings of London , analytical and thorough, analysing everything. Over time things loosened and the work became more open and developed from there. It seems I go through phases or issues such as the prodigal son story and work them through until somehow it's over, and I can move on. There are clear and obvious phases-the jazz, the angels, musicians and the prodigals. Interspersed between all of these are random studies of life; narratives if you like, - such as drawings of friends, and cafes, which are unspecific in their message but to me are as valid.
I guess for me its all about wonder, and everyone has their own way of feeling it or expressing it. G. K. Chesterton said " At the back of our brains, so to speak, there was a forgotten blaze or burst of astonishment at our own existence. The object of the artistic and spiritual life was to dig for this submerged sunrise of wonder ." I guess when you dig eventually you find something,and however awkward it may sound (with all the sub-cultural religious stuff that comes with it - ug) I discovered that for me the doorway to this sunrise of wonder was Christ.
When I was sixteen, working on a harvest in Northumberland, I overheard a conversation between two Geordie farm workers . . .
"Im going to an art gallery on Saturday."
"A gallery? what the hell for?"
"Because I get moved.It takes me somewhere."
"Ah you big girls blouse"
They laughed,but I never forgot it. I'm always surprised when I hear people have been moved or taken somewhere by my work. It's not really on the cusp of things or shocking remotely.Im not interested in that. It's just the wonder thing I'm interested in. I think Joseph Conrad sums it up pretty well. " The artist ..speaks to our capacity for delight and wonder, to the sense of mystery surrounding our lives, to our sense of pity and beauty and pain ."
Medium:Charcoal on paper
Description:I love this parable.
Its a provocative story told by Jesus that defies cultural expectation, with religious people avoiding a bleeding man, while a Samaritan saves his life.
The interpretations are endless but to me it simply puts compassion over piety.
One of the women I identify with is Eve, because I know that if I had been in her position I would have tried the apple, I am not proud of that fact I just know what I am like.
One of the women I identify with is Eve, because I know that if I had been in her position I would have tried the apple, I am not proud of that fact I just know what I am like.
So I began to look at the Genesis and how Eve was created and I copied these words from the Bible onto my mirror and then began taking photographs. Because my faith is so convoluted and obscure the photographs reflect this and are quite odd and very different from the other photographs that I have taken,
So I began to look at the Genesis and how Eve was created and I copied these words from the Bible onto my mirror and then began taking photographs. Because my faith is so convoluted and obscure the photographs reflect this and are quite odd and very different from the other photographs that I have taken,
Nicely done.
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